"Peace on Earth" etc. etc.

Merry Christmas! I am thrilled and grateful to be with my siblings and parents for Christmas, as well as with a number of friends-who-feel-like-family in the days surrounding the holiday. I'm enjoying it quite a bit :)! 

About 25 years later, my siblings and I still indulge in
silly laughter around my parents' Christmas tree.

But I also know that holidays, more than the average day, can place a megaphone to the pain in our lives. Maybe it's the first Christmas without a particular loved one. Maybe you aren't with family or friends or other loved ones. Maybe gift buying has made you broke. Maybe you feel lonely, or wistful, or apprehensive, or sad, or empty, or confused about what is really important.

I find myself in some of these spaces.

I think these pains are legitimate and so are the questions evoked by them. This is my advice--to all of us who have moments (or extended moments) of hardship in the holidays: try to glean what good stuff you can from this opportunity for such reflection. Try to use it as a time to explore yourself deeper and know yourself better. Try to look at the most frightened, puffy-eyed part of you and tell yourself 'you are loved, and you are going to be okay.' Try to walk forward--not running away without ever looking back, but walking steadily with your eyes fixed on where you want to be, yet comfortable to glance around and look your past square in the eye. It's an important part of you, and whatever you've walked through is what allowed you to get here. Try to continually reorient yourself so that you are simultaneously wrapped up in love, supported by love, and are walking toward love. Try to let your heart and hands be loosed of any unnecessary things you've been carrying; it's easier to walk forward without them. Try to ask someone else for a hug, or a listening ear, or a walk, or a sleigh ride if/when you need it. It's okay to need it.

my sister took this in Cypress

There's a beautiful Christian tradition in some churches to physically "pass" the peace of Christ from one person to the next. I've partaken in this whilst in a Syrian Orthodox Church in India: one person starts with the intangible "peace" held symbolically in his hands and, as he passes it to 2+ people, it gradually makes its way through the congregation. It's a beautiful way of enacting the symbol of spreading peace on earth. And this--the celebration of a birth of a baby who people believed would bring peace on earth--is a worthwhile Christmas reminder. It may be about giving/receiving gifts, it may be about spending time with family+friends (both of these can be done in healthy or unhealthy ways, I think), but it's also about peace. And that encapsulates a whole lot of things. I hope you partake in peace this Christmas

Recognising and Combating Gender Bias in the Workplace

So, this research summarises the ways that gender-bias is alive and well in academia. In other words: it was my disheartening read of the day.

In sum, here are some of ways that female-ness affects individuals in academia (according to what seems like some pretty well-grounded research.)

...I'll let you guess whether these elements are in favour of being female, or not.!

Some Affects of Gender-Bias in Academia

1. The qualities/traits that supervisors draw attention to in reference letters.
2. The perceived hire-ability for academic jobs
3. What students expect/ask of their professors
4. The criteria by which students evaluate professors in formal and informal evaluations
5. The likelihood that other scholars will choose to cite our work
6. The way other colleagues will interact with us when it comes to things like supervisons, staff meetings, etc.
7. The pay received for same or similiar jobs 

8. (There are more...)

Also, this kind of gender bias is not limited to academia, but studies show it is also prominent in politics and the workplace more generally. 

What causes this kind of discrimination?

Well, unfortunately there are some people who are just jerks. These jerks dislike or distrust certain individuals or groups of individuals and don't want to offer them equal opportunities...but I assume a lot of these inequalities are the result of unconscious bias (click here for definition/explanation) being at work in good and well-meaning people.


I think that is worth repeating.

A lot of these inequalities are the result of unconscious bias
at work in good and well-meaning people.

Yassmin Abdel-Magied did a Ted-Talk which poignantly revealed the reality of gender bias. Give it a listen by clicking here. It might surprise you. 

My intent is not to come off as preachy or hypocritical. Truth be told, I hold unconscious bias, too---we all do. In fact, to my shame and dislike, I hold unconscious [negative] bias even when it comes to the capabilities of females in academia; when I'm reading a particularly noteworthy text I assume its author to be male. Catching myself at this simultaneously humbles, irritates, and disheartens me. (I caught myself at this just yesterday.)

In fact, studies show that we can even hold unconscious biases against ourselves which affect our performance. Check out Shen Zhang's study on mathematics tests, which suggests that women often underperform when they are being identified as women. A summary of it can be found on Smithsonian. 

Anyway, every cloud has its silver lining and every shitty statistic has the potential to promote change. (...Right?)

Image from Hyperbole and a Half's blogpost on depression

Some Avenues for Positive Change

1. We ALL need to think a bit more carefully and thoroughly at the way we interpret things and individuals. The chance of us holding onto an unconscious bias is extremely likely, but GOOD NEWS, if you dig around your unconscious with a bit of intentionality, you will unearth some shitty stuff! (Keep reading...the good news will come, I promise...) And then you find a way to scrape it away or toss it out! TOSS.IT.OUT!

2. Brainstorm some concrete ways that you can avoid or counter the tendencies of unconscious bias. Are you writing a reference letter for a female student? Make sure you speak to the skills asked for in the job rather than, say, to her ability to care for the elderly. (IT HAPPENED. SERIOUSLY.) Are you evaluating a female professor? Don't write off her confidence or assertiveness as "bitchyness" when you categorise the same action (done by males) as confidence. (AGAIN. IT HAPPENED.) The list can go on.

3. Listen to females when they speak in meetings. Of course, listen to males too, but studies show that when females are listened to in meetings, their original ideas are all-too-often attributed to males. Listen to individuals when they speak, and give those individuals credit for the ideas they bring forth.

4. Consider publishing / applying to jobs with your initials rather than your full name. This goes for females AND males. While it is mostly females who reap the negative results of gender bias, if only females start using their initials it may not have as strong an affect as if males and females both choose this. For comparison, think of LGBT individuals who, prior to legalisation of marriage, could not use terms like 'spouse' or 'wife/husband' to refer to their significant other. As a result, the term "partner" began to become more prominent. But, and this is important: THE TERM WAS NOT ISOLATED TO LGBT COMMUNITIES. Instead, straight individuals (married or unmarried) also began to also use the term "partner," and a type of solidarity was created. In affect, it acknowledged the limits of stigma-free vocabulary that LGBT individuals had at their disposal and decided to use the same vocabulary. I think we can draw a line of comparison for the use of full names when it comes to publishing and job applications. For better or for worse, recogniseably female names are met with unconscious bias. This affects publications, job hirings, and citations or engagement with scholarship. (And probably more.) A natural way to eliminate the affects of this bias is to remove the indication of gender.

(This fourth one is really really shitty and sad to think of doing, but I view it as a short-term fix for a problem that will take awhile to change.)

And, because I just remembered about this minutes before pressing "publish" ...check out these tips directed toward junior women scholars given by tenured female professors.

Okay, that's it. I'm really curious to hear your thoughts about this. Feel free to comment below or to PM me.

Love vs. Loss: Having the [global] world at our fingertips while also holding dearly onto 'home.'

You’ve probably heard that cliché saying that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I’ve contemplated this saying over the past few months for a number of different reasons, and I think I do believe that it speaks truthfully and wisely. And I think it can apply to the more general sort of love associated with good friends and a community—certainly it feels that way for me. I’m “home” in Ottawa right now visiting with friends and family, but between Canada, India, and the UK, I feel like I am torn between a few different “homes” lately. (Certainly, the USA border guard who clarified with me “so you’re a student in the UK…but you’re living in India…and you came here for a conference…but you’re going now to Canada?” seemed just as flustered/confused by my high rate of international travels.)

A screenshot of the major cities I've traveled to since August

I have seen a LOT of the world in the past 5 years and I’m really glad I’ve been able to live and travel in a lot of different cities and countries.

(I tried making a map that pointed to all the places I've traveled to but frankly it got a bit overwhelming..!)

But I must admit: the shittiest thing about having done part of my undergrad in New Brunswick, going to India regularly enough to develop a solid community of friends there, and now studying in the UK (at a uni that attracts people from all over the world at that) is that now there's all these people I love who are absolutely not in the same city ../country../timezone../continent. So we're not talking a 3 hour drive to visit someone, but like, multiple hours in an airplane across various oceans. And even though I've been fortunate (?careless?) enough to spend the time and money to fly over said bodies of water on a somewhat regular basis, I'm still never able to be with all my loved ones at once. 

You see, I used to live in this tiny little house with lovely little people and we did little things like grow tomatoes and wash dishes and laugh loudly and rescue spiders and and write poetry on the communal chalk board and play 'keep it up' at the neighbourhood swimming pool and record music in our living room. 'Twas a good simple little life. Now I live oceans away from all of them. 

This is the thing that no one warns you about when they encourage you to be adventurous, to spread your wings and see the world. People warned me about missing home (check), about the difficulties of meeting new people and feeling connected (check), about culture shock (check), about traveler’s sickness (check check), and about various other things typically associated with travelling/moving abroad…and I think I’ve dealt with all of these things pretty well, all things considered… but few people warned me of the danger of establishing relational ties across a number of different cities/continents. 

I call this photo: "The danger of establishing relational ties" ft. my Cambridge friend Rebekah. (Now Rebekah and I are far away and we very well might never see each other again. WHAT!?!? Horrible.)

Don’t get me wrong—I couldn’t have it any other way. That is to say, there’s no way that I could be happy living in a city or country where I don’t make an effort at establishing roots and forming/joining a community of loving people. I would shrivel up and die without such things. But sometimes I wonder how wise it is to have placed roots in so many different places. Because now, wherever I am, there’s a significant portion of my loved ones who will always be miles and miles and oceans away from me. And to be honest that’s not always the best feeling.

Sunset streets in Dubrovnik, Croatia

I consider it a wonderful privilege and blessing to have been able to not only visit a number of cities but to actually feel connected and become a part of a community there. In many ways, there is something incredibly amazing and beautiful about this. But there’s something to be said for simplicity. This is the same simplicity that many people of my generation quickly brush off because “it’s not adventurous enough,” or the same simplicity that some people of my parent’s and grandparent’s generation encourage me (with nothing but the best of intentions) to rise above / go beyond. This is the simplicity of staying put, and choosing the wild and crazy adventure of deeply loving the people and places who are already in your midst. (And, certainly, this need not be dull or boring in the slightest!)

This is my Babcia (grandmother). Her family moved from Poland to Canada when she was a young child and she grew up in Toronto and some surrounding areas. At risk of romanticising my grandparents' era, I sometimes wonder if my life would be simpler if I still sewed my own clothes and grew my own food and walked down the street to say hi to my family and friends who lived there.

But, despite all these reflections, I readily admit there is still something within me that yearns for radical adventure, and that wishes to cover large distances in an airplane so to see something or someone I’ve never seen before. I like being thrown into new and unfamiliar situations. I enjoy going periods where I don’t hear a word of English, and where I have to navigate through social customs and cultural cues. I enjoy the beauty and challenge of being out of my comfort zone, and I find that these are the sorts of experiences which most stretch and push me into becoming a more thoughtful, accepting, and loving person. I’m glad for these experiences.

Back in Gujarat, 2014 (?) when I was doing research on Jain panjrapols. In this photo, a Jain monk was blessing animals that had been rescued from a slaughter house.

This might be where the saying “all things in moderation” comes into play. I’m not sure. I think I’m still struggling to find my own balance in this regard. What are your thoughts? Do you crave adventure? Do you think adventure can be had within a familiar (maybe even mundane) environment? Is adventure more important than your existing communities/relationships? As always, would love to hear your thoughts below or by PM.

Dreaming Big, Pursuing Your Dreams, and all sorts of other overused cliches which I hold onto dearly

Alright, so every who knows me well knows that I am among the least politically-minded/politically-informed people I know. (I'm at least aware of this!) So keep that in mind as I make these fleeting references to politics and current affairs. 

The way I feel most of the time.

I'm very aware that I'm an ideas-person and a dreamer/thinker; I don't claim to have a superb understanding of all the facts and processes...anyway. Now that that caveat is out of the way, let me move right along into my dreaming and my ideas.

Putting aside all the bewilderment, irritation, and anger…one positive thought I have had with this absolute shit show of US election results was this: "absolutely anything can happen; keep your hopes and dreams big."

I wonder why so many of us hold onto such small and narrow ideas of what we can accomplish or what is within our ability to achieve. Many of us settle (in our careers, our relationships, our hobbies) for something mediocre rather than that which we really want.

And it strikes me that, perhaps, if more individuals had held onto a bigger dream (being president, etc.) then we wouldn't be witnessing so much madness.

I don't intend to say that the best thing imaginable is for us all to be positions of power and prestige. Surely that is not all of our dreams—there is no cookie cutter model of what excellence/fulfillment is for each of us. For example, being the president of the USA is so incredibly far from my biggest dream/hope that it would be absolutely awful if that were what I pursued. But some people--those among you who are interested in and knowledgeable of politics, for starters--might actually excel in such a role and would indeed want to do that. But for some reason we think it is too unreachable and far off, so we instead pursue Goal # 2...or Ideal Career #3 ....#17...etc.

Some of my favourite artwork in Ottawa, Canada. The artist was building these rock sculptures for decades before he received any formal recognition/salary for it. 

For me, this common practice (of placing aside our actual dreams/hopes/desires to do what seems more acceptable within society) materialises quite a bit in the type of research I pursue. It's sometimes hard to do what is meaningful to me rather than what seems desireable/normative by some academic models.

I really do want to use my research (both my written work and the result that my studies have on my own life) to make a positive impact on society.

I’m constantly asking myself questions about the nature of God/spirituality, about how to develop a community and a larger society in which we are more respectful and more loving toward ourselves and others, about what it is that gives meaning to our lives, and about what gives us energy/passion in our lives to instill positive changes.

Clothes drying and a man walking. (Mumbai, India)

My studies often seem very “airy-fairy” and lofty to people who are more involved with on-the-ground social changes—take activisits who are working toward ending poverty, for example. I seem to be in an ivory tower where it’s all talk and no action. Or my spiritual questions can seem absolutely ridiculous to those focused exclusively on material wealth and business. 

Yup.

People from both of these camps sometimes try to draw me into their worlds. And I definitely see value and appeal in the world of social activism, and I can also see the appeal in more-pure business-type endeavours. But neither are my consuming passion. At least not in this moment.

I think, instead, I can strive to excel in my area of interest—which for me happens to be philosophical type questions about what it is that makes our lives meaningful. (And which, I might add, for me does include SOME element of practical application that sometimes overlaps with social activism. Anyway.) For you, it might be something totally different. But, I do believe, positive change can come in result to our passionate pursuits of our dreams/goals.

along the Berlin wall

I wish we all had the courage to dream a little bit bigger. And to hold onto those dreams a little bit longer.

Can you imagine the positive changes that might happen if all the good, loving, kind, passionate people in our world truly believed that they could have a significant impact on those in their circles—whatever and wherever those circles might be? So often we let various societal expectations—of all shapes and sizes—restrain and constrain us. But I think it could be absolutely wonderful if we pursued our actual dreams.

Think of some manageable dream which is too often ignored because we are all so used to settling. Maybe it's deciding to close your ears to what society tells you you're supposed to view as successful and instead spend some time working as a nanny, learning to cook new recipes, and writing poetry. (I spent 6 months doing that. It rocked.) Maybe it's changing your food choices so that you contribute to a kinder, greener planet. I don't know. I think we all have must have dreams we are setting aside without really pursuing them.

These are the chickens that my Ottawa flat-mates and I had. Their free-range eggs, along with our homegrown veggies, was an awesome way for us to have access to some local organic food. 

 These are perhaps silly/minor examples, but they're ones from my own life that for so long I rejected or placed aside because they didn't align with what society told me I should/could pursue. 

It's so easy and normative to fall into place and to go about living a life that is more or less fine but is not what we *really* want to be doing. I often wonder if I'm living the life I really want to be living. Sometimes I am, definitely. But other times I fall into the trap of doing what is expected of me rather than pursue the dream I really want.

To wrap up: Dreaming "big" can look like different things to different people. Not all of us care to be a CEO or run for President. (Thank God.) But those of you who do....why don't you take that dream seriously?  And those of you who want to live a simple life and grow your own veggies...why do you leave that dream in order to work in a more normative career that society pushes down your throat? And those of you who want to do whatever else it is that you dream of doing...why have you abandoned that passion? In 1, 5, 10..20 (etc) years, will it have been worth it? Will you feel a tinge of regret for having never tried it?

Words to live by, friends. Words to live by.

Anyway. All cliches and memes aside..I absolutely do think we should all strive to be loving, just, merciful, and humble...and so dreaming "big" will hopefully (a) be fueled by that and (b) naturally incorporate and strengthen our tendencies toward doing good. But we can also keep our dreams big in terms of how we might [positively] impact the world. Because we all have capabilities and passions and spheres of influence in one way or another.

Baas.

Beetroot/Cabbage Coconut Sabji (South Indian food)

I’m in Delhi now (staying at a place where a cook comes daily) and am trying to take advantage of this to learn more about Indian cooking.

This is Ghomti. She is an amazing cook, a patient teacher, and has one of the best laughs I have heard in quite some time.

Here is a very simple and very delicious recipe that Ghomti (above) taught me.

You will need:
- beetroot or cabbage (grated) [the pictures show the cabbage but I prefer the beetroot taste]
- mustard seeds
- curry leaves (optional)
- oil
- salt
- grated coconut (sweetened or unsweetened are equally fine)
- 2 green chillis
- yellow lentils / split peas

Heat up some oil in the pan and add about 1 or 2 tsp of mustard seeds, and the sliced chilli. 

Add the yellow lentils (uncooked) to the mixture and let it cook for 2 or 3 minutes on high heat. The lentils should soften somewhat by this procedure. 

We took these curry leaves from our balcony...but maybe you could find some at a specific store?

Then add the curry leaves (removing stems) and the grated beet root. Curry leaves not only give a good flavour but they are also filled with vitamins. (Apparently particularly great for hair and nails!) Mix it around until the beet root has softened to taste.

At the very end, add the grated coconut (don’t add it too early or you will lose its beautiful taste) and stir it all together. (Note: proportionately, I would guess that you should have about 5+ times more beet root than coconut.) 

Add salt to taste and serve warm with fresh rotis (It would probably also be quite good as a cold salad...but we didn't have any left overs so I don't know!) 

Processing Sufferings and Creating Joy, Peace, and Love

Recently I left my "jungle ashram" and went with a lady who used to be affiliated with the ashram as its manager.

Evening service at the ashram

She invited me to go to Faridpur with her and to join her in some outreach project which happened in nearby villages., and I thought doing so would offer an interesting perspective. So we went.

For the most part, we were going to villages and talking about sanitary pads and menstruation and feminine hygiene.

A group of about 40 women (aged 17-35) gathered to learn about sanitary pads

I also sat in on some sewing classes for village girls, learned some stuff about village agricultural farming, and I saw the local hospital and how things are done there. It was an enlightening experience all around. I'm so very glad I went :).

Piles of black peppercorn being left out to dry before selling

Two village women cutting rice crops

But also at the hospital I saw a woman who died shortly after she left our premises. And because I'm this delicate mix of being simultaneously overly-sensitive and strangely-stoic, I now have all these feelings that I've been shoving down my throat and keeping them unprocessed.

I suppose I thought writing this out might help me process them; thanks for reading my processings.

She was a young girl, newly married, probably in her early twenties. She arrived at our hospital being carried in like a sack of potatoes because she was totally immobile; her pulse was 150 beats per minute, which is outrageously high. We gradually learned she had consumed poison, though her husband (the one carrying her) was not very helpful in giving such information upfront. She was mostly unresponsive; the poison having already gotten to her brain.

As time went on, and as I listened to the doctors and staff discuss, it became clear to me that there was a good chance her mother in law had poisoned her. Either that or she had drank the poison herself because she no longer wanted to live this life. Locals said it was probably kerosene that she consumed, or maybe some kind of pesticide. The doctors weren't sure.

Some of the girls from surrounding villages who came to take sewing classes
offered by the mission hospital's outreach programs.

Our tiny mission hospital didn't have the facilities for her so we had to refer her out, to a town hospital which had a poison specialist (because such things are so common here.) The husband loaded her onto a motorbike that our hospital had on hand, he sat behind her, and our driver sat at the front. The woman was plopped onto the bike, sandwiched between them, and her husband held her body to keep it upright as they drove off.

She died en route; we were notified of this later that evening.

In the days that followed (and even the days leading up to it, in a sort of eerily strange foreshadowing) I heard a number of stories about young women--especially newly married wives--who either killed themselves or who were killed by their husbands or mother in laws. The reasons for murder ranged: she wasn't pretty enough, she wasn't working hard enough, she didn't get pregnant fast enough, the dowry wasn't big enough...etc. The reasons for suicide were similiar: afterall, it is difficult to find value, beauty, or joy in life when these are the kinds of things being told to you about yourself.

I do not know how to process the reality of a world in which one individual decides that such reasons are enough to poison someone, or to douse them in kerosene and then burn them to death.

How can this world be the same one that I live in? How can my reality be so different than the realities of others? How can this be the world we live in?

I wonder if I could find any reason to live if that were my life. I'm not sure that I could. I'd like to think that I'd change my scenario--I'd leave my husband, or I'd leave my in-laws........but what if I had no where else to go? What if I had no other options? What if even my parents didn't want me to return, or perhaps never even wanted me to be born in the first place since I'm a village girl and would only be a financial burden to them? What if the thought of taking care of myself and prioritising my own needs/wants never even crossed my mind?

......For my own part (and I realise that my perspective is limited), I feel that the subconscious minds of many village girls are trained from a young age to never even contemplate such thoughts. Certainly not all..but it seems that many are.

I don't even know her name. I'm not sure our mission hospital even recorded it; I think we discharged her without a record that she even came--we hadn't bothered registering her as her husband carried her in because we rushed her to our unused hospital ward where she could lay down on a bed as the doctor monitored her. We still don't know if it was a murder or a suicide; but since she is so newly married the police will likely investigate it as if it were a murder.

And, in all my bewilderment and sadness/confusion, I find myself wondering if she ever regretted having consumed poison or if she ever wished she hadn't. I don't know if, in even those final moments of life, she felt convinced that it would be better to be dead than be alive. I don't know.

I don't know that I know how to provoke any positive change in this particular phenomenon. I wouldn't even know where to start. I feel so overwhelmed and helpless and hopeless sometimes. But what I know is this: we all need to strive to transform our world into one in which all individuals experience joy, peace, and love. And I think we can, we must, each do this--- at least on some micro-level! That is all I know.

Today, may you experience joy, peace, and love. 

And may you share it with others.

(As always, feel free to comment below or to PM me. I would really love to hear from you.)

Searching for God [and 3G signals]

Namaste all:

For those of you who have been spared my woeful tales of killing 9 foot python cobras, of taking cold bucket showers, of sweeping palm-sized spiders out of my bedroom, etc. … I’m living in an Indian jungle at the moment(residing at an ashram.)I’ve been here for just under one month now and this is the first time I’m getting internet access on a computer. Pardon any errors of formatting etc..

And in essence, being at this ashram is about being on a search.


There are many ways that it is a search.

Inarguably I am near-constantly searching for ways to make sense of what I experience here so that it can become palpable “data” that I use for the ever-looming task of writing my PhD dissertation. (But this blog is not, will not!!, be about that!) Other times I search for the right word to express myself in Hindi… and sometimes I search for my “torch” (flashlight, for all you non-Indians and non-Brits)so that I can navigate my way back to my room without being bothered by (note: bothering) any of the quasi-dangerous wildlife here.

And, I readily admit, frequently I search for a network reception signal for my mobile so that I can try to feel connected to the world outside of this ashram—and to the people outside of it whom I love and miss. (“I lift my phone up to the mountains, where does my signal come from” is my personal new adapted version of that one bible verse in Isaiah…)

Importantly, I also(I think) search for God—though I feel that the meaning of this statement changes for me on a near-daily basis (if not more often than that.)



There is a sign at this ashram that says that anyone (well, it actually says any “man” but I will give it the benefit of the doubt) who genuinely wants to find God is welcome here—whether he be of the Christian faith, of a different faith, or of no faith. Currently, all of the people who have come to the ashram for this thirty-day program identify with the Christian faith (though some are new converts, all with their own background stories and reasons for beginning to ‘follow Jesus,’ as is said here).

In spite of (some) language barriers and many cultural/worldview barriers, I am trying to find ways to connect meaningfully with the people who are here. Because what are we doing with our lives if not connecting meaningfully to the people who we eat and drink with, and whom we live beside? I am being challenged in a number of different ways in this regard—not the least because, though I certainly crave meaningful interaction, I can sometimes have a tendency to close myself off to people.

This tendency, among with other sort of ‘knee-jerk reactions’ that I have,  has been something I’ve been able to explore in quiet times of meditation, etc. I’m not going to go into further detail at this point in time, but it is a process that I am working through. And I think this sort of self-reflective processing is a good thing to do—whether that be through individual meditation or through another means.

I wonder what we as individuals and our societies more broadly would be like if we each took time to contemplate and reflect upon not only WHO we are or HOW we act, but WHY we are that way—and also whether we think that these traits are admirable. I have found that most of my social/work circles over the years of not placed nearly enough value on this practice. It’s something I hope to incorporate more and more into my life.  I’m currently pretty bad at “quieting/focusing my mind” to contemplate certain things without my mind wandering to other thoughts, but they say it is something that will improve with time…

As always, I welcome your thoughts in the comments below or by message. Many thanks to those of you who have PMedme over these last few weeks; I love hearing from you! 

Also, here's a photo of monkeys.

In the theme of both being in India and being on a search, I will finish this with a “bhajan” (devotional hymn) that I wrote during my first few days at this ashram. The English translation is at the bottom.

Mere aankhe kholo,
mera dil kholo.
To mai tujhko dekh sakhoo.
Meri aatma pyaasi hai.

Kya mai tera liye pyaasi hun?
Kahan jaao tujhse milne ke liye?
Meri aatma bahut pyaasi hai.

Duniya ka dhundt ki piche me, tere aatma hai.
Mai dhoondt rahi hun.
Tho pani do.

Jaldi se aa
ya dire se aa.
Subaha ko aa
ya sham ko aa.
Jaisa tu chahe.
Par meri aatma pyaasi hai.

Bhajo naam, bhajo naam, bhajo naam…
Mai tera naam bhaj rahi hun
aur usme kho jaa rahi hun.

Sab meri bhakti tere liye hai.
Mere aankhe tujhe dhoondti hai,
Mera dil bhi tujhe dhoondta hai.
Mera man aur meri aatma bhi tujhe dhoondte hain.

Meri paasaa.
Mai pyaasi hun.

Open my eyes,
open my heart.
So that I can see you.
My soul is thirsty.

Is it you I thirst for?
Where must I go to meet with you?
My soul is very thirsty.

Your face hides behind the mist
of this world.
And I am searching,
so give me water.

Come quickly
or come slowly.
Come in the morning
or in the evening:
Let it be whichever you wish
but my soul is thirsty.

Sing the name, sing the name, sing the name.
I am singing your name
and losing myself in it.

All of my devotion is toward you.
My eyes search for you.
My heart searches for you.
My mind and my soul also search for you.

Come near me.
I am thirsty.

Global Horrors and Good People

Summary: There are some really shitty, discouraging things that happen in our world. I wonder whether there is something that we might to do not only remain afloat but to make a change. I suspect that a lot of this comes from small, intentional acts of love.

Last week in Krakow, Poland I visited the Auschwitz Memorial/Museum. 

"arbeit macht frei" ["work sets you free"]

It was a deeply emotional experience for me which was of course, in many ways, expected. (As a friend pointed out to me, it would be sociopathic to be reminded/confronted with such a deep form of mass suffering and not feel emotionally moved.) But it also provoked some unexpected thoughts. One such thought was realising that what scares me the most about global horrors like the WW2 Holocaust is not actually the people like Hitler (…or, in different geo/cultural contexts: Joseph Kony, or Trump, or Mugabe, or countless others…) who spew hatred and encourage discrimination and call people to violence. 

place where night guard sat watch over the camp

To be sure, Hitler spewed hatred and is often attributed with the violence that ensued during the reign of Nazi Germany .  But it’s also the people who stood behind him, or around him—the people who couldn’t be bothered to stand in his way—which allowed the many horrors to take place. And it’s the societies which formed the structures that allowed him to stand up strong and high—rather than collectively deciding he ought to be blocked, or toppled over—which seem equally horrific. 

This really scares me.

I don’t know anyone (myself certainly included here) who is consistently kind and compassionate without any faults or shortcomings: we’re all human and we make mistakes and have moments where we are mean or unkind or disinterested. And this is probably okay and should certainly be expected.  But this becomes scary when either (a) individuals become more driven by cruelty and selfishness than by kindness and selflessness; or (b) societies/groups of individuals choose to sit back and let cruelties happen around them. 

barbed wire walls around the camp

There are always good people—throughout corners of our world—who stand up and do whatever is in their power to put an end to the horrors they see unfolding around them. There are always good people; I am convinced of this. There are a number of times I have witnessed or experienced complete strangers stand up and do something thoughtful/loving for someone who was being wronged. These experiences are life-giving. 

The Auschwitz memorial museum wrote out the story of a man who offered his life for another prisoner who had been sentenced to death. It told of the number of individuals who risked (and sometimes lost) their lives and their family’s lives in order to feed/house/protect a neighbour, a friend, or even a stranger. Many did intentional acts of goodness even if this came at a cost to their own well being. Jesus was like this. Gandhi...Aung San Suu Kyi…. Mother Theresa… Nelson Mandela…. Malala….  The nameless woman who I saw the other week helping a homeless man… People who stand in active solidarity with the marginalised or oppressed-----there are plenty such people—of all ages, and from all cultural/religious backgrounds. 

one of many photos of individuals who perished at the camps;
I find this photo of this gentleman to be particularly striking.

And yet in this very same breath it can sometimes seem so easy to be overwhelmed by the horror and the cruelty of humans—both on a global and local scale. The state of our world really does break me sometimes. And in these moments it becomes difficult to focus on (and cultivate, and contribute to) the people who do loving things.

I need to remind myself—probably every day—that love is ultimately stronger than cruelty.

And there are PLENTY of opportunities in our current-day affairs to respond with kindness, goodness, love, etc. (And, perhaps we even ought to take a rather strong stand against people or systems that we think go against these values.) Unfortunately, we don’t have to look far to see injustices—some are already in full swing; some are piling up like a dam about to burst. If you open a newspaper, turn on the TV channel, or even just walk around your city, you will see it. Cruelty abounds. It’s cancerous and pervasive and sometimes it seems to be contagious. 

But, as overwhelming and all-consuming that such cruelties may seem, love is ultimately stronger. It is; it absolutely is. And we have always known that love is stronger; we have always believed it and held to this with conviction. That is why some wars could never be won even when battles were finished; love had simultaneously nullified and transcended them. 

Cemetery attached to the Old Synagogue in Krakow;
Jews partake in the mitzvah (command) of commemorating the deceased
by placing a stone at the burial site

I think that, if we wish to act lovingly and compassionately, we must take a serious look at the circles we inhabit—our neighbourhoods, our workplaces, our countries, our online communities, other spheres of influence, etc.—and see if there are small or large injustices or cruelties that we might take a stand against. And/or, we might see if there are ways that we can bring love, compassion, joy, hope, grace, etc. into the lives of those who need it. (Which is probably all of us.)

outer wall of the Jewish cemetery attached to the Old Synagogue in Krakow

I quite like this quote by Gandhi—he refers to it as his ‘talisman’—I’ll end with it:

" Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man [woman] whom you may have seen, and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him [her]. Will he [she] gain anything by it? Will it restore him [her] to a control over his [her] own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to swaraj [freedom] for the hungry and spiritually starving millions?
- Source: Mahatma Gandhi [Last Phase, Vol. II (1958), P. 65]

p.s. This is a beautiful song about love and forgiveness, written by my friend Karis Taylor.